Madoff Dynamite In Sack Despite ADHD, Small Penis

Bloomberg’s headline writers have a puckish humour that sits sweetly out of place with its dry, numbers-changing-on-screen image, and “Madoff Lover Stuck With Him Because of His Tenderness, Her Lust” is another good’un. Yes, it’s time for the Sheryl Weinstein PR machine to whirr into motion – she’s the Zionist women’s leader who’s written a book about her and Bernard Madoff’s hot hotel-room adultery! And it’s out next week!

“With Bernie I always felt wanted, desired, and that was an empowering sensation”, Weinstein gushes about her affair with Madoff, which started in 1993 and lasted for a few months. They met when she invested some money given to her organisation Hadassah on the condition that it was invested with Madoff; meeting Madoff made her feel “heat prickle my face”. Are you sure that wasn’t the sense of impending financial ruin?

They met up in hotels and “we’d spend three or four hours talking, eating, and making love…When we made love, I was on fire”. Madoff, you tiger! But wait: “Bernie had a very small penis. Not only was it on the short side, it was small in circumference. It clearly caused him great angst”. But before everyone starts spouting some Freud For Dummies cod psychology about him extorting people as a way to compensate for his manhood, Bernie knew that what he did with it was what counts: “His tiny penis hadn’t prevented me from climaxing”.

Other details include Bernie being on attention-deficit disorder drugs and maybe having Tourette’s, being a bad tipper, “vodka-fuelled massages” (?!), and the fact that Weinstein smoked weed, which Bernie said that his wife Ruth did too.

After a few months, that annoying affair-guilt kicked in, and they both realised they were married and that it couldn’t continue (not before Bernie told Sheryl he loved her though). They stayed friends, and Bernie was still Weinstein’s main money man. She ended up losing her family’s life savings through him, and was there on the front line during his trial, testifying against him, cheering when he went down, and branding him a “monster”. Don’t expect them to be kissing through the visiting-window glass any time soon.

Hadassah though actually cashed in a fair amount of profit from its Madoff investments before the scheme collapsed, about $120m-worth, meaning that Irving Picard and his team of guys desperately trying to find Madoff money anywhere from the vending machines in his offices to the lost city of Atlantis may try and swoop in to redistribute some of that cash.

Anything that describes itself as a “Zionist” organisation makes me a little uncomfortable. But taking their profits off them is nevertheless a very contentious move – how can you quantify the worth of a person’s savings over the work of a charitable organisation? Expect the Madoff compensation circus to get a lot nastier than some small-penis jibes.

Posted by Ben Beaumont-Thomas in Hot Money | August 19, 2009 11:27AM |