Sony Launches Home, Its Virtual World Full Of The Most Banal Parts Of Existence

We’ve already seen how everyone’s staying in and playing video games now the recession has begun, and now a new tranche of lameness is set to consign more people to draw the curtains – the launch yesterday of Sony’s Home service now means that all the major consoles have their own Second-Life-esque virtual world to wander away from reality in.

Sony Home is a vast virtual universe that you can walk around and chat to other folks with PS3s, using an avatar, ie a ludicrously unrealistic projection of yourself. The universe has been plagued with delays (it was meant to be done for September last year), but Sony have come good on their promise to deliver an open beta version by the end of the year, and are being very bullish about its prospects. Director of Home Jack Buser diplomatically refused to name its rivals (Microsoft’s Live and Nintendo’s Mii), before effectively slagging them off, saying Playstation performs better, and that “anybody that wants to try to play catch up is going to have a real hard time”.

The platform is free to download and use, but is nevertheless ripe for milking cash from. A virtual world is going to need virtual advertising, or it just won’t feel right, right? At first, the advertising will be uploaded via Sony’s servers, but soon enough companies will be allowed to control their own targeted, personalised ad campaigns. That bit in Minority Report where Tom Cruise gets personally advertised Guinness edges closer to reality.

The game begins with your “home”, an apartment or house, which is free. But, if you’re a colossal sucker, you can buy a nicer pad for your pixels to chillax in, with real original-life money. That cash goes straight to Sony. You can also buy Diesel jeans for your avatar, again for real money, and Sony get a cut of that too. It’s conspicuous consumption taken to its logical conclusion – all transaction and no tangible product.

But what if you’re one of Sony’s 8000 employees who’s getting the sack? Don’t worry, you can use your previous overlords’ hardware for your financial gain! Users will be able to sell, for real cash, games and other user-created content they’ve made to other users in Home. If the scales fall from your eyes and you realise you’ve spent actual pounds on a virtual penthouse, you can sell it on to some other chump, potentially for a profit.

I’m envisaging a virtual house-price crash if the service fails to become popular. Or maybe a virtual sub-prime crisis, after nerds desperate for a flash Home pad take out mortgages worth 110% of the value of their virtual property, and then default on their loans after the allowance from their parents gets spent on Doritos and porn.

Female Home users beware though. As gaming mag CVG points out, the universe is predictably full of menfolk who haven’t learned many social skills after all those years in the basement:

“Home is heaving with hopeless sex pests. If a girl – real or not – wanders past, 20 guys will run towards her, forming a circle and body-popping…I created a girl avatar, strolled around for a bit was literally chased by gangs of gawping, dancing idiots. “how old r u?” “where u from?” Some guy even started whispering stuff through his headset at me”.

Predictable enough. But imagine the hilarity of what happens next! “It’s even funnier if the girl is a bloke in disguise and they revert back to their original male avatar. If the game had a ‘jaw drop’ emote, these guys would be using it.” Nurse, my sides!

Sony Life – like real life, only without the joy of seeing a laughing, clapping child, or anything else nice, funny or good. Stay away, fellow recessed citizens! Get your chums over for some Guitar Hero instead!

Posted by Ben Beaumont-Thomas in Sci-tech | December 12, 2008 2:30PM |