Simon Heffer Attacks Telegraph Staff Over Poor Speling

Life as a Telegraph staffer isn’t exactly a bundle of joy right now. Let’s recap: after more than two years of overly drawn out bloodletting, Will Lewis, editor and captain of the Telegraph’s digital starship in Victoria, told weekday staff that they would soon be reporting for “new world jobs” (i.e. unenviable casualised working hours) on their free Saturdays. That was back in October. Then, last Monday, the Telegraph’s remaining staff were told there would be P45’s under the mistletoe as part of a series of pre-Christmas job cuts, with the management looking to trim 13-14% of their editorial budget.

It’s at tough times like these, with staff morale hitting an all time low, that struggling companies look for real leaders: the sort of proud, selfless individuals who will puff out their chest, unbutton their shirt sleeves, and show solidarity with the troops by mucking in where they can. Right?

Er.. well if you’re pasty Billy Bunter lookalike Simon Heffer, the Daily Telegraph’s Associate Editor, you could always decide to take the alternative option: spend hours stewing in a private office, and then compose an inordinately long and prissy email alerting your editorial grunts to their dangerously casual use of the English language. 

Check out Media Guardian for the full horror, but here’s a short extract:

There have been so many literals this week that I suspect some of you either never could spell, or have given up trying. Perhaps my favourite was “hockey mom”, followed by “plumb compote” (bring on the lead poisoning). One reader, having spotted the words “Chrsitmas” and “adminsitration” in the same story wondered whether our newsroom was now being run by “mnokeys”. While it is good to provide the customers with amusement, it should be intentional. Grammar remains a treacherous slope. There is still a difficulty with conjugating the verb “to drink”. Be in no doubt: the beer was drunk, but the man drank the beer. Page 6 of our modest but robust little style book contains a description of the difference between “may” and “might”. They are not interchangeable, oddly enough. Do feel free to have a look at it…

We do seem to like to use words or phrases that do not exist. One was “adaption”. Then there was the account of the moment when the two children of President-Elect Obama (note, and indeed cherish, that capital E) “stepped foot” inside the White House for the first time. We must avoid vulgarities like “front up”. If someone is “fronting up” a television show then he is presenting it; if he is “fronting up” a pressure group or even a business he is leading it. Also we have started to insert definite articles where they are not needed. It is not “the” Last Post and certainly not “the” Magna Carta. Both are in the style book: feel free, etc etc.

The style book also reminds us that our readers tend to eat Christmas lunch, not Christmas dinner; this is not the Daily Star. Unless we are referring to a repast that is specifically to be held in the evening, be careful to refer to Christmas lunch in all those mouth-watering articles you are preparing about festive food. Somebody actually allowed a piece of copy through this week with the adjective “posh” in it (it was not a reference to Mrs Beckham, and nor was it being used satirically). It was lucky this was spotted and removed before a nasty accident occurred. I repeat: we are not the Daily Star.

Good work Bunter! Churchill would be proud. As would all the sub-editors your boss recently sacked. 

Posted by Jack Roberts in Creative Economy | November 28, 2008 8:11PM |