It’s Not Just The Graphs That Are Looking Sharp

If you’re a Master of the Universe, you better damn well dress like one. Patrick Bateman knew it, Sherman McCoy knew it, Gordon Gekko knew it, and these folks know it too. Yes, that’s right – it’s the 2008 Financial Crisis Best Dressed List!

5. Oleg Deripaska

There’s just something about young Oleg. A simple but snappy dresser, he oozes power like a modern Bond villain (except actually implicated in real world fraud/mafia/bribery activities). Oleg looks and moves like a high-class hitman who’s worked his way up through a murky underworld of spies, theives, despots and international financiers to become a yacht dwelling giga-rich international man of mystery…. I wonder why that is?

And have you heard his voice?

4. Henry Waxman

He’s the fellow who totally owned Lehman Brothers’ Dick Fuld, asking him how he sleeps at night and whether it was fair that he got to keep $480m.

He’s also got a ‘tache that makes him look like John Waters crossed with Magnum PI, and that is one good look.

3. Donald Tsang

Consistent bowtie finery from Tsang, who as Hong Kong’s Chief Executive is helping to formulate a pan-Asian economic task force this week.

Apparently he loves bowties, but just because they’re neater and more manageable than a necktie. Yeah right Don – it’s because they feel like a rosette for “nattiest dresser”!

2. John Varley

Your bona fide Master of the Universe would probably hold no truck with a bow-tie though, a bit nancy and effete for Wall Street. Perhaps the ultimate example of old-school financial fashion in recent events has been John Varley, who still rocks braces like some coke-snorting junior trader, tempered with the hair and glasses of a parish vicar.

Its an ensemble that is frankly disturbing in its quiet invulnerability; the braces let us know he doesn’t need any of your GODDAMN government money, while the neatly combed locks tell you to have a nice sitdown and a cup of tea while we sort everything out. You’re so bewildered you just leave him to it.

1. Alvin Hall

Haven’t seen much of this guy on the telly recently, and had almost forgotten about how great he is. Thanks then to Lloyds TSB, who have got him in to do a “vodcast” (sounds like a funky online gimmick by Alcoholics Anonymous) about how to save money amid the crisis.

The cheap 90s ambient soundtrack arpeggiates itself over some ropey fonts and naff editing effects (mmm, soft focus blend!) before Alvin starts talking and makes it all OK again. He sounds like a transsexual dancer with a heart of gold – soft, clear and with an edge of experience. And then we get to see what he’s wearing!

Previously famous for carrying the turtlenecked 80s black-geek look into the noughties with aplomb, here Alvin rocks a dinner jacket with a red bow-tie, in a hotel suite that basks in his reflected glory. Evan Davis would have done this in jeans, the layabout, but not our Alvin – he’ll be one of those old guys who puts on a suit to go and buy a pint of milk.

Posted by Ben Beaumont-Thomas in Hot Money | October 29, 2008 7:59AM |