Everyone’s Sending Threatening Envelopes Full Of White Powder, Guess I Better Had Too

Once you get a meme rolling, that sucker ain’t slowing down any time soon, and this crisis is no exception. It’s seemingly reignited everyone’s favourite cheapo scaremongering threat, pretend anthrax, and it looks like now they’ve started, those suspicious envelopes are going to keep on coming.

The big shots getting sent garlic powder and such are the New York Times (who have enough to worry about already), and JP Morgan head Jamie Dimon, who got a note telling him he’d be dead in ten days along with a thoroughly un-anthrax-like blend of sand and food seasoning. “You need to be pay back”, the note read. Well, aside from your very shaky grasp on tense, your argument is flawed, Mr. Sandman. Dimon chucked out JP’s SIVs long ago, and now heads one of the banks that might actually lift everyone out of danger. Where’s the Chinese 5 Spice being sent to Joe Cassano and Dick Fuld, eh?

Anyway, it turns out that these are just the most high-profile cases in a vast spate of white-powder-mongering in the last week or so. Chase Bank (who are owned by JP Morgan) have been worst hit, with over 50 branches getting sent threatening letters, all sent from Amarillo, Texas. 

But there’s more! A Minneapolis prison hospital got some; Fort St John, a little Canadian town in the back end of nowhere got some; a random Arizonan Starbucks got some; this Amherst post office got some; even Bill Maher got some. Way to hone in on the perpetrators of international financial meltdown guys! I can just see the crazy huntsman holed up in his shack in the Canadian wilderness: “Those capitalists will pay dearly for their usury! Oh, but I’ve only got enough stamps to get it to Fort St. John. Well, that’ll have to do.”

Posted by Ben Beaumont-Thomas in Hot Money | October 24, 2008 12:53PM |